I think everybody loves “stupid criminal” stories. Stupid criminals come in all shapes and sizes, and commit, or at least try to commit, many types of crimes. So just for fun, I thought I’d share some stories about bumbling criminals who lack any kind of street smarts. Thanks to Michael Gravette of SafetyTechnology.com for these stories.

“According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are ‘unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes’ committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don’t know the first thing about their business. For instance, it is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76% of bank robbers use no disguise, 86% never study the bank before robbing it, and 95% make no long-range plans for concealing the loot.”

The following advice is offered to bank robbing wanna-be’s and corresponding “don’t do’s.”

“1. Pick the right bank. …don’t follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don’t want to be too familiar with the bank. Another California robber ran into his mother while making his get-away. She turned him in.”

“2. Don’t sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber … on an envelope bearing the name and address of another … and on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber’s signature and account number.”

“3. Avoid being fussy. One robber gave a teller a note saying, ‘I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope.’ The teller said, ‘All I’ve got is two twenties.’ The robber took them and left. She had over $1,200 in her drawer that were not twenties, including hundreds and fifties.”

“4. Don’t advertise. A hold-up man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture.”

“5. Make sure you know where you’re going. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a toll-booth, offered the security men money.”

“6. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to ‘borrow’ the teller’s car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly-solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.”

“7. Consider another line of work. There was the case of the hopeful criminal … who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.”

The moral of these stories is … regardless of which side of the law you operate, don’t be stupid. Always be safe and prepared. Use your street smarts. Don’t have street smarts? You can develop your self-defense fighting skills with fighting DVDs. One of my favorites is Fast and Furious Street Smarts by Jacov Bressler.

To learn more about the Fast and Furious Street Smarts DVD or other fighting DVDs, click HERE.

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” –Benjamin Franklin